Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The fearful me

What a funny thing
It was a mechanism to make you survive in the ancient times
To make you run or hide when life threatening danger will cross your path
But somehow, in modern times, its precision decreased.
Creating a mismatching experience between life threatening events and pure imagination threads.

Apologies if you had to meet the fearful me, well it isn't me.
When fear overtakes me, my legs shake and my hearts bits faster.
But the real problem is, what starts transpiring...

I suddenly lose balance, and in a desperate act of survival, I cling on anyone around me
Is a pure survival instinct, that makes me forget that I will be able to go back up if I fall
One must admit, that having someone clinging on you isn't exactly a pleasant experience, but I can't prevent it

I forget what I know, and all these fear's monologues get triggered; feeding each other like starving creatures.
They are like bugs, multiplying quickly and developing new skills to stay around
These monologues take over as much territory as they can, blurring reasoning and self confidence
Usually building empty theories with false bases, pulled out from their context and mixed together
But can't recognize that at this stage!

It is then when transformation happens.
The reason, unable to see through, concedes control to the basic brain function
Here, one goes back to basic mode, only identifying and experiencing the survival feelings
Active listening is privilege and higher thought are a far away dream
Fight or fly, are the only commands we get access to.

Once in a survival mode, oneself get detached and someone else take place
You look like yourself, but you aren't and people often can't recognize the difference
You are there pressed against the wall, thinking - well if my mind says so it has to be true - even when it isn't
Of course, you will make the wrong decision - decisions need reasoning
And forget about discerning the oblivious ideas that have been planted on your mind

Is the way we get reminded we are still humans walking around with hardcore features that have traveled on our gens over centuries.
It let us know, that even in our little civilized world there are things that remained unchanged:

Imagination and Reality intermingle indistinguishable on our minds... so much, that fear can't recognize the difference


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Leap of faith

I wake up everyday, some of those, completely sure of what I have gather. Some others, completely oblivious to it.

This journey is a crazy one!
One day I don't clearly know where I'm standing, neither where the journey will take me. Is all completely foggy, my next steps are only few meters apart.

Other, I wake up everyday, with some feelings sticked on my soul, praying for this not to be a fool's game. Knowing what I want, thinking that is possible.

I stumble between those days...
I still doubt I'm capable of grasping the meaning but I try to keep going.

This is, by far, the most unknown territory I'll ever be...
I have to believe on something that I can't fully understand, wonder in areas that people refer as dangerous.

I have to move forward with new reference points. I fear my radars could fail, yet I have to trust they are good enough.

Everything could be a build up from my smart brain, it could be a perfect play. How can I know the difference? I ask myself.

No answer is given...

This is what I call a leap of faith!

Jumping into the unknown...