An enlightened moment

Enlightenment,

The more I try to explain and understand it the less I can express what it is.

It is like a koan, with no apparent sense or meaning, yet complete and astonishing.

Is feeling fear and breaking free within it.

It is smiling from the heart in a quite challenging yoga posture.
Like a yogi teacher told me once.

Enlightenment is the understanding that happens in the soul.

It is like the wind, the moment you hold onto it, it vanishes.

Is a happy heart, a fulfilled soul and a relaxed mind.



I heard all these words before, and they sounded mystical, beautiful, but far beyond reality.

But sometimes...

Just sometimes, something within me awakes to that reality, and it all simply makes sense.

It happens in a fraction of a second.
During breakfast or lunch.
In madness or comfort.
After hundred meditative hours or after a wild party with friends.

Basically, it could happen whenever and wherever. I can't force it or create it.

All that seems to help is: foster positive thoughts, be open to myself and relax when possible - and yet, I'm not sure if all that really helps.

Ah!

But rest assured that it is worthy.

Because even when you won't understand a thing about it, neither be able to express it fully...

Is in that very moment, when everything seems to make perfect sense.



V.

We are the owners!

We are the owner of our thoughts!

We all tend to think we are not, 
How can we be? - we ask

Let me show you an example:

It doesn't matter how much love you show to a jealous partner, they would always question your love.
Because the lens they would use, is one that doubts they are worth of love...

But, shhh,
Don't dare to tell them.
Recognizing one believes one isn't worthy is a painful moment.



Have you ever washed away a thought?
Saying - you know what? Forget it 

I'm sure we all did and would do it, with  plenty of thoughts.

The question then is:
Why does it seem we don't own all our thoughts?

Simple!

Those that seems to be out of our reach are running in our build in highway - they go fast over the known and pre-rehearsed route, mostly before we can grasp them.

Ah! but that doesn't mean we are not the owner

They still are our thoughts and we can choose to have others.

In order to grasp those, we have to develop consciousness. We need to stay alert, like in a hunting game:

Here it comes! 
catch it, catch it 
quicklyyyy

...

Oohh is gone again...


The more we play, the better we become. 
Once we catch them, as the owners, we can decide if they stay or they go.

We are the owner of our thoughts and have the ability to change them...

Sorry thought, you are out of the game today


V.

Love letter to myself

Dear me,

I write this letter to express my gratitude, apologies and congratulate me on my actions.

Thanks!
For kindly putting up with myself
on those moments when I couldn't trust my abilities,
reminding me that I'm capable and helping me go through.

For listening
to those reckless made up stories, that I tend to pull out,
and even those crazy inconsistent thoughts that I keep bringing in and dumping out,
always with an open and friendly mind set.

Apologies!
For bringing painful situations,
sometimes I think they are needed, others are simply consequence I didn't foresee.

For getting on the way
of brilliant ideas, without a clear explanation.
and then making up excuses - too tired, too difficult, not for me, not right, not true, etc

Congratulations!
For moving forward on adverse time
without giving up even when you could easily have done so.

For being courageous
to try new things and discover new horizons,
mainly on those occasion when fear and/or uncertainty are trying to take over.


Let me just close this letter with one last thought:
I love myself!
and if I forget about it on the way, don't worry, just read the line below.

I'M A WONDERFUL AND EXTRAORDINARY BEING*!

V.

* whether I believe it or not

How

How do you defeat the ego and still think you are wonderful

How do you become enlighten and don't retreat from the common world

How you resign to duality and yet follow the progress toward a better you

How do you release your material attachment and still live in wealth

How?

V.

A place in time

There is a place in time where everything happens simultaneously.

Where the distant between you and me is inexistent. When future, past and present are just one.

But today I'm in that place in time where everything is linear.

So let me tell you this:
When time will move to the place where everything happens simultaneously, these lines won't exist.

V.

The bubble

Boundaries...

The blurry illusion our mind needs in order to be able to define things:

Me -you, 

There - here

This - that,

Possible - impossible

We believe everything has an end:

Our skin is the ultimate layer of us

The soil ends where the sea begins

Countries finishes on their borders

But actually everything is a constant flow:

The air recognize no borders and moves freely 

Underneath the sea there are undiscovered continent where a different type of live reside

We spread ourselves around on every breath - giving away pieces of our genes

 

Have you ever noticed that when you touch the bubble's boundary it vanishes?

Our limits are just a mere illusion that should be set to be a goal 

Because once we reach them they transform

If you believe you can't - you won't be able

But if try to see if you can't, soon would you discover an ability within you

Defy them! 

Over and over again 

Because those limits are your bubble: once you touch it, they disappear.

V.

Image source: http://technode.com/2011/06/19/chinese-internet-bubble-burst/

When the human falls in love with the flower

Sleep left me behind 

With an wakefulness that was more than physical

Greedy for inspiration

Yearning in despair for some insight

What a dreadful game had sleep played with me?!

But Inspiration came

Reveling itself as a beguile mistress

Reminding me the feminine

Washing away my sorrow 

Painting my world in colors

It unveiled the mystery 

That mystery which surrounded my question

It explained to me the cause

And said:

When the human falls in love with the flower

It falls in love with its essence, its fragrance, its beauty, its freedom,

but soon after that, the human would try to capture the intangible

... to fence it

... to retain it 

And is then, when the flower loses its freedom, its beauty, its essence.

Taking away with it the love.

It all sounded clear and well know

Difficult to grasp, indeed

Almost impossible to achieve...

How to let go that, what is dearest to you, without knowing if you will see it again?

V.

Daily Prayer

To you, whom escapes my consciousness...


Guide me through love, even when I fear to be hurt
Hold me still, when I try to escape
Give me peace, when I'm kin to fight
Love me, when I won't
Stand by me, when I'm risking it all


...Trust me, aware that I'll fall

...Defeat me, when I think I have it all


and if all this might fail, make sure I won't stop.


V.

Life as the poker game

Life is similar to a poker game

We know which card we hold
We see the ones on the table
We assume other's players card
We try to predict the deck
We fear to lose a match
We forget we can win in the long run
We bet base on gut feeling and induced reasoning

No matter how strategic we are, luck is always a factor on the equation...

Play!

It's a fun game


V.

The fearful me

Fear...
What a funny thing
It was a mechanism to make you survive in the ancient times
To make you run or hide when life threatening danger will cross your path
But somehow, in modern times, its precision decreased.
Creating a mismatching experience between life threatening events and pure imagination threads.


Apologies if you had to meet the fearful me, well it isn't me.
When fear overtakes me, my legs shake and my hearts bits faster.
But the real problem is, what starts transpiring...

I suddenly lose balance, and in a desperate act of survival, I cling on anyone around me
Is a pure survival instinct, that makes me forget that I will be able to go back up if I fall
One must admit, that having someone clinging on you isn't exactly a pleasant experience, but I can't prevent it

I forget what I know, and all these fear's monologues get triggered; feeding each other like starving creatures.
They are like bugs, multiplying quickly and developing new skills to stay around
These monologues take over as much territory as they can, blurring reasoning and self confidence
Usually building empty theories with false bases, pulled out from their context and mixed together
But can't recognize that at this stage!

It is then when transformation happens.
The reason, unable to see through, concedes control to the basic brain function
Here, one goes back to basic mode, only identifying and experiencing the survival feelings
Active listening is privilege and higher thought are a far away dream
Fight or fly, are the only commands we get access to.

Once in a survival mode, oneself get detached and someone else take place
You look like yourself, but you aren't and people often can't recognize the difference
You are there pressed against the wall, thinking - well if my mind says so it has to be true - even when it isn't
Of course, you will make the wrong decision - decisions need reasoning
And forget about discerning the oblivious ideas that have been planted on your mind



Fear...
Is the way we get reminded we are still humans walking around with hardcore features that have traveled on our gens over centuries.
It let us know, that even in our little civilized world there are things that remained unchanged:

Imagination and Reality intermingle indistinguishable on our minds... so much, that fear can't recognize the difference



V.

Leap of faith

I wake up everyday, some of those, completely sure of what I have gather. Some others, completely oblivious to it.

This journey is a crazy one!
One day I don't clearly know where I'm standing, neither where the journey will take me. Is all completely foggy, my next steps are only few meters apart.

Other, I wake up everyday, with some feelings sticked on my soul, praying for this not to be a fool's game. Knowing what I want, thinking that is possible.

I stumble between those days...
I still doubt I'm capable of grasping the meaning but I try to keep going.

This is, by far, the most unknown territory I'll ever be...
I have to believe on something that I can't fully understand, wonder in areas that people refer as dangerous.

I have to move forward with new reference points. I fear my radars could fail, yet I have to trust they are good enough.

Everything could be a build up from my smart brain, it could be a perfect play. How can I know the difference? I ask myself.

No answer is given...

This is what I call a leap of faith!

Jumping into the unknown...


V.

The world's traveller

I didn't travel the world to find happiness, I've already had it in my pocket.

I went around to get challenged. Took every believe I had and placed it on the brightest spot. Got 'experts' to question them, rip them apart and arm new ones... It was scary, I have to admit.

I traveled the world to share my happiness. Found people that had their own, exchanged pieces and got mine to diversify. This was the most rewarding part!

I said when we started the conversation about my willing to travel.

She paused a second or two, to drop another question - and what was the outcome?

I love the fact that she manages to challenge me regularly. It feels as if I reinvent myself everyday.

The outcome? - I ask myself in loud voice - and then replied:

I managed to see my believes unfold like a blossoming flower, opening each petal to reveal yet another level.

Collected concepts of happiness, that I would have never managed to create myself. What amazing stories I heard and experienced.

Understood that there is always something that will challenge me - that's what life is all about - but every time I have an option: hide or stay. None of them is better than the other. Each will eventually unfold a gift for me if I remain present.

Happiness is a misunderstood concept, that I'm still unable to explain. It tends to happen when you experience something with your whole self and is extremely difficult to grasp.

That every road we take will lead to another extraordinary experience, We just need to remember:
Difficult is extraordinary
Challenging is extraordinary
Sad is extraordinary
Boring is a misunderstanding of extraordinary.

...Easy to say, quite difficult to remember...

Use a post it! - I said between my laughter.

She laughed with me, there was nothing serious about what I'd said. It was just us listening to the words my brain put together.


V.

Letting it go

We go through life learning many things
Some of them are taught in school,
Others on life's path.
For the tougher ones, we get no preparation. They arrive, without us anticipating it and let us struggle.

One of those is the art of letting go...
Saying goodbye isn't an easy thing, there is a bonding that will break and a nostalgy that will instantly form.

Memories that will follow us like ghostly images from the past. Images that imprinted themselves and recall moments that are dearest to us.

Nostalgy will find a place on our hearts, it will play sad tones and sing about the wonderful moments that are no more.

An instant, that intense moment when the final goodbye comes. That is the hardest part, the one we fear the most.

It is all this that prevent us from embracing change, because we know we will have to let go: people, place, objects.

Ultimately, this is why make us uncomfortable about death. Not being able to escape that form of letting go, is indeed a powerless sensation.



Let it go...
Sounds easier
Gets harder


V.

Ownership's sense

When my life belongs to me
I experience a sense of ownership that goes beyond words.

I'm the captain of my life!
I can sail in the direction I fancy,
Explore areas that were unknown before.

I'm the audience and leading actress.
I'm the peasant and the queen.
I'm everything and nothing at all.

It is the feeling that keeps me going:
My heart bouncing with inexplicable joy, and my soul experiencing a sense of fulfilment that words can't capture.


I'm the owner!



But don't take me wrong, life not always goes the way I want.
Sometimes it gets trapped in severe storm and others in windless days.

There are days when I lose all hopes... Everything seems out of place, like being stubbornly held by some mysterious hand.

It is then, when I get the chance to steer the wheel, plan again if needed...At times my only option is to stand still and wait for good winds to blow.

Even then I feel a deep sense of satisfaction, excitement and courage - I know I have the power to change the course into another adventure



V.

Challenge

There is a me
There is an us
There is a time and a space
There is a challenge.

The challenge of embracing the waves that will hit my shore.

How do I stand when the wind blows?- was the her question

I don't stand... I shake! - was my initial thought - I shake like the leaf in the wind...

How else could I answer such question?
if I'm constantly faced against my own true, if every step I make needs to be my decision. Doubts know my address and knock on my door regularly.

I shake... I tremble from the core.

With time, I have realized that this shake will produce the following changes:
1.Some things won't fit me as before - I'll have to leave them behind

2. New things will arrive - I'll need to invest time understanding them

3. My reference's points will fade away - I'll have to calmly tolerate incertitude

4. My truth will expand as it weakens - I'll need to remember this.


I don't stand. I Shake. I become a new me that goes through a funnel and change on the way.

I'm like the tree at wind's mercy: It shakes with the wind. If storms come, it will bend. The tree knows it will renew. I instead fear my core will disappear. What a fool!

My answer:
Shaking, while holding to my root. Failing and winning, but undoubtedly growing and trying one more time... That's how I stand.

V.

Fulfillment

Maybe I should call this fulfillment - I (sight) as we speak.

Fulfillment?  - she asks

Yeah, some sort of fullness in your deeper self, if that will explain it better - I answer without knowing what else to say

Ful fill ment - she says spreading each syllable away from another 

Her eyes roll to that upper corner, where memories get retrieved. A thoughtful face suddenly appears.

I observe her, wondering what is going to come out from her soul this time. 
I feel like a boy on a Christmas eve, waiting to see what present is there for me.

She notice my excitement and smiles back, like saying - it isn't Christmas and is not a gift - She blushes. 

There are mostly likely thousand of thought running through her head at the present moment, you could almost hear the engines roaring.

After that blush, there is always that smile I love to see. It reflects kidness, sweetness and is incredibly welcoming.

Then she sits back in her power zone,  ready to aim and shot that idea that just formed in her brain.

I still ask myself why I dedicate so much time to see her through. I might be an idiotic nonsense kind of guy!

But even if I tried not to, it seems impossible! Is like a clear language spoken to me through all my channels. Trust me - no one can resist that!

Anyway, going back to the story...

I believe I might understand what you say - she says with a steady voice.

You mean, that kind of moments when joy overflows you. When it basically transform into a whole body experience - the words were coming out as she she closed her eyes 

Something like feeling connected with bigger thing, like a subtle link that connects you to the universe and only for fractions of seconds you become fully aware of it - she says while trying to express with her body that it is an exquisite' 

I hear, but don't show sign of agreement. This is my recurring story - I have no words to express what she just provoked upon me one more time

Overflow she says, overflow is what I feel with those words. With this contempted desire that seems not to have space to be fulfilled.

I smile and stay in silence. As a signal of surrender - hoping she understand if
No more talk for today my brain says, I have been overwhelmed by something I can't understand.



V.

Time (to) fly-ies

Good morning - the sun says through my window.

Good morning - I reply with a smile, while thinking: life is a wonderful place to be, even better when the sun shines

Get ready, to fight another round. One more time, one more step, one more day.

Think about last minute things:

3 seconds before landing
1 day before trip
1 week before the move 
1 year before a known death 
...Last minute is such relative thing

Drive all the way to my next destination. Time awaits nobody!

It will tic-tac its seconds away regardless of what you do with them.


This explains why we have developed ways to buy time:

Fast track
Outsourced services
Speedy transportation 
Food processor 
'get me and free up some time' - is their tag line

I always wonder what people do with that 'extra' time. 
Do they spend it working more, just to complain when they are older
...Or maybe feeling sad for things that already happened or are yet to be

What will I do with that 'extra' time?
Why will I want more? 
Isn't 90 years in average long enough to enjoy s***t lots?!

Jump quickly to my next thought:
My next destinations... Time will take me there, as a ride on it's wormhole, where I'm permanently living.

If time was a human made product it will say: 

This automated machine will run without maintenance.
Will transport you through a linear universe, one where the parallelism will be imperceptible.
Recognized worldwide
Life time warranty! 


Certain conditions apply:
Partial disconnection from other universes 
No refund after purchase
Speed control not included No fast forwards or playback allowed 
Secondary effects might occur  such as:
Anxiety about death 
Aging body sensation 

Tested and approved by the prestigious Time Science Association
More than 7 billion sold!
Get yours now
Limited stocks 


And the speakers turn on, announcing that it is my time to depart. 
Sending the train of thoughts onto another direction.

My time...
fast forward,
slow down - my remaining thought

I stand up, to make the move. Knowing that even when I'm not aware of it, I'm writing my book.


V.

My boiling water

And there I was, next to the boiling water.
The kettle was boiling, I was boiling.... we were boiling at the same speed.
The water was transformed into air, and the salt sank heavily on the bottom.

There was not much more to say, nor to do
but I still decided to put the water to boil.
Now that I think about it - it seemed a duplicated scene.

It boiled, I watched, we connected.
It showed me the inside,
took me into a space I haven't been in a while
I cried...

They weren't tears of sorrow.
Sorrows left behind long before that moment.
Those were tears of letting go.
Each of them left me, transformed into air
I saw them pass by and waved goodbye
Thank you - I managed to say at the end

The water stopped boiling,
the tea was ready,
the soup as well.
All done, cooked and prepared.

I was not hungry any more,
had feed myself with air, silence and waiting
left the emptiness open, with no urge to fill it in
Gave away the tea, the soup, the salt
Now I was fine.



To boil the water, one needs to conceive a temperature of 100 degrees
it can happen in minutes, or it can take thousand years...
It all depends on how we raise the temperature.
Sometimes we are the master chef, that will set the fire and control the flame
some others, we are 'chef de plonge' watching our water being boiled at a speed we might not agree on.


But don't worry!
in one life time we all have the chance to play both roles.
Enjoy, be delighted, inspired and transformed...
at the end it is just a ride!


V.

Random acts of kindness

Random acts of kindness
spread all around the world
dripping into ones live 
like the waves in the water.
One random act of kindness
will soften your heart 
allowing it to breath once again


Touch someone's soul and yours would also be shaken
like the vibrating note in the air, 
that make the guitar and the piano sync into one rhythmic compass


It was under the tree that I discovered the meaning
not that I was looking for it, but it fell like the apple from the tree,
had such simplicity that I disregarded it immediately
What a fool I was!

After that, I have walked several year
trying to find an answer that was given even before I had asked.
Found many lovers that tried to explain it,
teachers that show me the path when I wasn't prepared to see it.

Grew!
only to discover that it was even harder to grasp,
bet the most important and purposely lost it
but couldn't understand it

Though it had to be that particular tree
the one that inspired it on my childhood time.
Only there could I find once again,
the meaning of it


And under my tree,
my dearest childhood tree
found a young lady
a beautiful one
that was,
somehow,
sat under a veil of wisdom

Wanted to explain her all I had gone through to get here and now
how many years had passed, how many stories I had lived,
why this all meant so much too me...

But as a random act of kindness sat next to her,
explained the enchanted melody of the tree
the magnificent beauty that she added to an already extraordinary place...
it was then... when like a thunder, the meaning stroke my living being one more time


V.

The beauty on your eyes

I can still remember their shape, their deepness.
Those beautiful eyes...
Those amazing story telling twins

They are composed by several shades
Brushed over with a semitransparent amber tone
With a magnificent frame that protects them
Thin line splashing out from that tiny centric spot

These story telling twins will be constantly talking to you
They'll tell you stories about the past and the future
Show you their happiness, sadness and frustrations
Give you a smile... the kind that lips would never be able to give

You will be irremediable connected with the universe
with the eternal and the meaningful
Have no chance to escape their enchantment
Be trapped forever, by an invisible yet perceptible force

...This is what awaits you once you encounter them!


May their kindness bless your path on earth.

V.

Heaven on earth

You,

I,

We...

Know.

She,

He,

They..

Don't.

Paradise, is a heaven on earth that we find with communion. 

 

Critic-all & critic- Ism

Write, wrote, written
That's what happened to the words

Read, read, read
Is what I did with them

Find, found, found 
Is what they allow me to do 

Tell, told, told
Is how I've transformed them

Point, pointed pointed 
Is how I've missused them

Judge, judged, judged 
What the outcome was 

Critic-all, critic-Ism
Was created

What is being done to the outside is being done to the inside.
Just stay silent and you will hear it...

V.

The search

How was it? - she asked
I waited some seconds, breathed in acknowledging that words wouldn't be sufficient and replied:

It was dark and unknown
I had no idea what it was or how to find it

Every time I thought I was close, it disappeared infront of my wide open eyes
Like an amazing trick played by a omnipotent magician 

I peeled every layer thinking that below them I'll find it
At the end the layers where gone and nothing appeared

It felt like the foam - so real, so tangible but impossible to grab in a close hand
Always managing to squeeze itself out 

I paused, trying to recall the search.
Feeling how disperse it was, how unholdable it seemed

She broke into the train of thought with another question

What have you concluded - she dare to ask with a smile

Concluded?! - I thought, but didn't manage to express it in words

Decided I was going to reply that question as well, even if we were just getting closer to the unspoken:

Nothing I guess, or perhaps everything
I made the most amazing quest 
Came with less than I took with me 
Empty hands followed me, when I had promised to bring something
Felt sad that I had discovered nothing at all
Fought with myself for being such naive guy

Yet still, the road managed to strengthen my feet without me noticing
A different me came back
I had lost things that were mine, but gained those that were free

I've, I've concluded nothing.
Couldn't. 
It was all 
Inconclusive...
Eternal...
I... 
I, well... 
Couldn't hold it

My eyes were watery by now.
It was again the same energy, the one that overflows me and reminds me it exist within and outside

She looked at me straight into the eyes. Watched through them, as if they were open windows.

Time paused there, in that instant.
That instant that lasted really long in my memory.

I was swimming... actually we were swimming in the same pool of universal energy. Like two unborns in the womb of their mother.

Then she broke the silence.
First with that smile on her eyes that I would forever admire.

Then her lips moved, I thought she was going to speak, but no sound at all came out.

Was it you who you were searching - she mentally ask

I surrended...
Lets the moment take me over, washed me out as a typhoon tide.

Didn't have to answer, as my thoughts would resonate around us clear and loud. Words, in any case, were useless. 

Looked back at her eyes, in this nakedness of ours. With my shame, sorrows, triumph and disappointment completely visible.

Opened my lips to say nothing at all
We needed no more answers or questions. 
Thank her in my own way as the moment vanished. Replied:

Now you know - as I started to melt into this new perspective of us


V.

La petite mort

The little death...
a breath that goes out to let you die in Hedone's hands
just to bring you back to life few seconds after.

Every day a little death crosses our path, even without noticing it,
as we thrive to experience only one kind of La petite mort.


When the sun shines through the window,
reaching that beautiful windowless space
and fills it with bright flow of light
one dies a little death.


When the remembrances reach the present moment
bringing someone's smile all the way from the past
with the intensity of a lively instant
one get a petit mort.


Is with the body ecstasy
that one manage to grasp
the overflowing pleasure
of melting into the magnificent


La petit mort,
be kind enough
to bring your enchantments
so the I can die while disappearing into the all


V.

Desnudez

Desnudez: According to the dictionary the meaning refers to one that isn't wearing cloth.

How easy does that nudity looks like compare to the real nudity!

If I only had to take my cloth off,

I would be in complete comfort. 

Maybe some thoughts about the body shape, 

the extra fat here and there

the gravity effect over certain areas of my body

but at the end things I could simply handle.

Real nudity, that's a whole other topic

It has less to do with cloth 

and more to do with walls and mask

It goes beyond your flesh and bone 

and would exhibit the real you, 

That one hidden in the corner, hoping not to be seen

It wouldn't leave room for hiding 

No trace of shadow or darkness 

where to secretly place the shame.

Difficult task it is

to see the walls fall and stay still

get exposed by the bright light that comes in

the core you, 

that one that has scars and prettiness 

shame and pride 

living on the same space.

Nudity, is in all its shapes

something we have decided to hide forbid and forget.

only because...

It is thousand times easier

to play hide and seek

pull up the wall and makeup

than stand naked 

while the light scramble its way through

and highlights even those things

one wouldn't like to see.

V.