Thursday, November 19, 2009

Chapter II: Who I fear to be

After some years the unanswered question of "who am I?" keeps pumping. Everyday it seems that the frequency of this question on my mind is increasing. One day I said: "well since I still wonder who am I, I declare that from now on I will find the way to answer this question"...What a big mistake.

I could never imagine what would happen after that decision. I had to deal with hidden memories, memories that, as many of you can guess, had very good reason to be hidden. This explains why is call an unanswered question, and I will admit that who ever declare it a rhetoric question was on the right path, because it gets messy, really messy, totally mess up.

The first thing that happened, and this was the last of my problems, is that I had to ask around. People were kin to say something about me, I got tons of so call "perspectives of myself".Some I couldn't believe, who can a book Like Me be a horror book?. Other answer were a bit out of the reality... Me being a fairy tale? That's nice to say, but a bit too much of a lie.

Things got worst after that first stage.I had to start thinking about all this ideas, and there was when I face the most horrible moment of my life. I am who I fear to be. When I say to the world I humble, I'm not, deep inside me I want to be the prettiest book, the most read novel, a bestseller. Who can I be so conceited and not even admit it to myself?

But that's just a small sample of all those things I found about who I am. There were few book around me that actually knew those little dirty secret about me. When they told me, I said "No way, that's not me", now I have to say they were right... But I didn't know it was true, and now I can't simply go out and say: "Hey this is me, I'm a porno book, with few pages where I impulse people to actually feel anger and envy towards other".

Come on! Let's be honest, I would lose all the friends I made before by telling my story. I mean, at the end this "features" of me are really deep inside, so they aren't really me, are they?. Anyway lets just keep them as a secret, there is no need to share it with anyone, and most important of all lets put it back to their hidden place so I don't have to see them again.

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